my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
