i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
