There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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