Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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