Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
