Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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