Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
