My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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