so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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