I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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