hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
