whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
