toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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