you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
