woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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