Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
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