i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
