Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
