if i can run in heels then i can drive
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
