A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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