Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
porn star boner night. come get it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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