my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
As shirtless as possible
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
