seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
