They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
