Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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