New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
