Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
