i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
