Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
