How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
