nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
