Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
