I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
