textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
