proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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