I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
