I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
