3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
