yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
whose parrot is this?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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