I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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