Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
