There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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