trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
