remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
