Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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