I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
