i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
