rhymes with "ouble enetration"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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