I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
