when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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